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Two Boos Who Eat: I want to cry.

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I want to cry.

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Two Boos Who Eat: I want to cry.

Two Boos Who Eat

Welcome to Two Boos Who Eat.

Wednesday, August 4, 2010

I want to cry.

I wanted to share some of my life with you today.

I was thinking of training for a half marathon. Unfortunately heel and knee pain have stopped me from properly training. I decided to make an appointment with a podiatrist to see if he had any suggestions.

The appointment was horrible.

1. I have some muscle degeneration in my achilles tendon area. This could be due to the way I'n built, my weight, or the way I walk.

2. I have plantar fasciitis.

3. I am not allowed to run for three weeks. It will probably be longer than that but we're going to try.

4. I have extremely high arches which are causing hammer toes. This is hereditary. (I could have a very painful surgery to correct it but I am not down with pain and the doctor said it was unnecessary.)

5. I should probably go to physical therapy to work on my weak ankle and calf muscles.

6. I should lose weight.

The losing weight comment hits home the hardest. I've been struggling with my weight for years. Years. It's always something that troubles me. When I was diagnosed with PCOS (poly cystic ovary syndrome) my doctor told that my weight would be an issue. I have had such a hard time with it. Calorie counting doesn't work for me because I tend to get obsessive about restricting and I just want to feel okay in my own skin.

I know I am a beautiful person inside and out but hearing that I NEED to lose weight in order to be healthy is tough. Especially when losing weight is so difficult. At the same time, I feel oddly hopeful. I have an answer to why my feet hurt so bad. I can get orthotics, see a physical therapist and work on getting stronger and leaner.

I don't really know where to go from here. Have any of you struggled with this? Meaning plantar fasciitis/not being able to run/struggling with weight loss.

Maybe I can see a nutritionist? Sports medicine doctor?

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17 Comments:

At August 4, 2010 at 12:45 PM , Blogger One Healthy Apple said...

Hey Amanda. I'm sorry to hear about your foot. I have definitely been there and time is a great healer- as cheesy as it sounds. Keep your chin up. Maybe you can think of this as new motivation and a new opportunity to try something new. It's how I found yoga and it was a tremdous help to my health, both physical and mental.

 
At August 4, 2010 at 12:48 PM , Anonymous homecookedem said...

:( I'm so sorry. You KNOW I've been there/am there with the weight thing. And now I have a foot injury and who knows, it could be because I need to lose weight too. It sucks, but like you said you ARE a beautiful lady inside and out. I know how hard it all is, especially when we love good food so much!! But just think, some people have much worse issues to deal with. Ours isn't easy, but we come out stronger because of it. Stay strong Amanda!!

 
At August 4, 2010 at 1:09 PM , Anonymous Rose said...

Oh goodness, girl. That is quite a bit of information to take in all at once. Forget that doctor. I feel like that's something they say to everyone - even if they are only 5-10 lbs over their appropriate weight. At least, in my experience it's always been that way. Feel good in your own skin! Eat what you want in moderation. I know what you mean about calorie counting, which is why I gave it up. I may not be at my lowest weight, but I can tell you that I am at my happiest being right now - just try and find that. You have taken great strides in your health over the past few years. You eat great. You exercise. You are a healthy person!

In the mean time, maybe you can work on some exercises that are better for your conditions... did he suggest anything? Yoga? Something like that? Maybe swimming would be good.

 
At August 4, 2010 at 1:16 PM , Anonymous brandi said...

Amanda, I'm so sorry you're having to deal with this but that IS a good thing to know what's wrong and know what options you have to get better!

I've never had to deal with this, so I don't have any advice, but just know that we're all pulling for you :)

 
At August 4, 2010 at 2:03 PM , Anonymous Mama Pea said...

Hey Amanda,

I'm so sorry. I haven't been in your exact shoes, but a pretty similar pair. Two main things I wanted to say: 1) you don't have to count calories to lose weight; 2) you don't have to run to lose weight.

I agree with Rose, it may not be entirely true that you "need" to lose weight. But if you really believe that it is, and that you really do want to lose weight, maybe you might talk to a counselor? I'm not saying this because you come across as someone that needs help, although I think really we all could benefit from a little therapy. Of course, you also don't strike me as someone who needs to lose weight. I'm just thinking talking to a professional about how your feeling, your fears about calorie counting, and also what emotional barriers you might have to losing weight.

You are in my prayers!

 
At August 4, 2010 at 2:38 PM , Blogger Amanda (Two Boos Who Eat) said...

Yelena/Emily- I'm happy that I have you both to talk to and relate to me regarding the foot thing. It's nice to know I'm not alone.

Rose-Andy said the same thing. I assume my doctor didn't realize the weight comment would hurt my feelings or trigger negativity. He was just saying it could case some of the pain. And I agree, yoga would probably be an awesome exercise to take up.

Brandi- thank you so much! Having support like this means a lot to me.

Mama Pea- I think everyone can use some therapy and it's not a terrible idea. I want to see myself as a beautiful and strong person and not let things like this get to me. But I would like to get to a healthy weight without issues. Thank you for your support, prayers and thoughts.

 
At August 4, 2010 at 2:52 PM , Anonymous kalin said...

i'm sorry lady!
i don't so much blog about it but i used to be a skinnnnny bitch (i'm like 55 pounds more than i was back then, and i wear a medium these days... you can do the math and see that wasn't the healthiest).
one of the biggest things that helped me get to where i was ok with my body again was dance (i started ballet)-i think with any sort of lack of love with your body, doing something where you're so aware of it and trying to learn new ways to work with it like dance (or yoga, i have no idea if dancing would work with what's going on wiht your body) can be really good. i wasn't focused on my heart rate, or how long i worked out, or anything else, it was doing it because it really truly made me happy.
with ballet there's also the fact that rockin a leo and some tights every week starts to make you feel more comfortable in your skin.

if you ever need to rant on things, you can email me!

 
At August 4, 2010 at 5:59 PM , Anonymous Autumn @Good Eats Girl said...

I'm so sorry that you are dealing with this...you are a strong person though and will get through this! At least now you have an answer and don't have to wonder why you are in pain!

I don't have any experience with this, but we are all here to support you!

 
At August 5, 2010 at 5:49 AM , Blogger Beth said...

My husband has many of the same issues you do (except instead of high arches, he has no arches). He ruptured his achilles in 1998 while playing volleyball went through the surgery and then never really got active again because of severe foot and calf pain. After I met him in 2004, I encouraged him to get orthotics and it really, really helped. Now he's really active, biking, training for a 5k, etc.

So I guess my advice is, stick with the doctors and do what they recommend because it really can make a huge difference.

 
At August 5, 2010 at 5:59 AM , Blogger Sara said...

I'm so sorry. I can totally relate, since I'm in a similar position (bad knee pain, wanted to sign up for my first race but now think it will never happen, been running for a few years and trying to lose weight that never seems to come off). Is it frustrating? Yes, super frustrating. But don't let this stop you! Knowing what's wrong is a good first step. Go to physical therapy and see if it helps. My orthopedist gave me exercises to do at home that seem to help. And listen to your body. I never want to take rest days, but sometimes my knees beg for one, so I've been trying to do that. And that helps more than you think!

 
At August 5, 2010 at 6:09 AM , Blogger Lori said...

Oh dear. What frustrating news. Did the doctor give you other options for exercise?

To answer your question - yes. I've struggled with weight since about age 8. I think that is why I chose to work in nutrition and fitness. I was well overweight when I was teaching 2 aerobics classes a day and working out 6 to 7 days a week. So I loved it when I would get weight loss advice because I worked out more than the people who were giving it to me.

I always say that people who *look* incredibly fit no doubt work hard, but never assume that just because someone doesn't *look* like a fitness model that they don't work hard.

I lost 30 lbs before my wedding 7 years ago the wrong way, starving myself. I'll never forget how weak I felt then. The only thing that helps me now to control weight is to just let go. Now that I've stopped eating fat-free, no sugar, processed food (whether considered healthy or not) I find that when balanced with exercise my weight is much easier to control. I haven't cut out sugar, or fat, or desserts. I just make what I eat and eat out only on occassion. When I can't exercise, I realize I have to drastically cut back on food, which sucks, but it is the way my body works.

If you need anything. Even just some email motivation :) or ideas, drop me a note.

 
At August 5, 2010 at 6:56 AM , Anonymous Andrea (Off Her Cork) said...

Oh girl. :( If you need to cry, cry and get it out. Holding in won't be helpful in any way!

You can totally run with PF! Kim (glutenfreeislife.com and @KBouldin) has PF and is a marathoner. You can so do this! Sports med doc is a must. Most will have their bios online, find one that is an active runner. The doc I use (same as Kim's!) is an ultra-runner and he's the medical director for most local races. Finding someone who understands running is key because they will know that you want to keep exercising. They will get it.

You can totally drop weight BUT it will take some time and patience. Because you have to find what works for you and what your body responds to. I'm a huge believer and supporter of real foods and finding a diet that you and your body love. Which means you have to pay attention to how foods make you feel. It takes time but you and your body will be happier in the end.

Also? Ditto what Lori said, just shoot me an email if you ever need to chat or bitch it out. :D

 
At August 5, 2010 at 8:58 AM , Blogger Sarah said...

You should have mentioned that your podiatrist's name is Dr. Kneebone. If you're gonna hear bad news, at least it's from a foot doctor named kneebone. <3 you.

 
At August 5, 2010 at 10:41 AM , Blogger Mari said...

WOW I am tearing over here at work! I wish I could give you a hug right now!!!!!

I went through the same thing with PF when I first started running, did your doctor suggest sleeping with a night splint? that really helped me. Actually I have PF on my other foot now, and started sleeping with the night splint on that one now...I hope it works.

You know I struggle with PCOS but honestly I think I am using it as an excuse at times. Like I know what I have to do (cut back on carbs) but I am not doing it. I need to find the focus that I had when I first lost all my weight. It's funny, I can give up meat but don't ask me to give up CAKE lol

If you need to talk, vent, cry, yell, or whatever...PLEASE CALL ME!

I LOVE YOU!!!!!

 
At August 5, 2010 at 11:24 AM , Anonymous ashleigh said...

I am so sorry Amanda! I can only imagine how upset you must be. My best advice to you would be just to stop being so hard on yourself. I am sure that if you work with a PT or someone else that you will be able to run pain free someday, and even if you can't, why not get into something else? I LOVE ZUMBA! I know you have talked about not belonging to a gym but I am sure there are DVD's you can buy! I burned over 400 calories the other day just dancing along and having a blast!! In regards to weight loss, everyone will say it's the hardest thing to do! I would just suggest trying your best, but enjoying life at the same time. I hope you feel better soon!!! <3

Lastly, if you want to cry.. you should! I find crying to be such a great release!

 
At August 5, 2010 at 2:00 PM , Anonymous Linzi said...

I'm so sorry about your foot amanda. I think that you are beautiful person and not to take those comments so hard. I have been struggling with my weight for so long now, but I congratulate myself everytime I do something that is good for me. Like eat a good meal, go to the gym whatever. You are going to get through this, and you will be even stronger because of it.

 
At August 24, 2010 at 12:40 AM , Blogger Jay said...

Wonderful post... Very informational and educational as usual!

Acai Optimum

 

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