I want to cry.

I wanted to share some of my life with you today.

I was thinking of training for a half marathon. Unfortunately heel and knee pain have stopped me from properly training. I decided to make an appointment with a podiatrist to see if he had any suggestions.

The appointment was horrible.

1. I have some muscle degeneration in my achilles tendon area. This could be due to the way I'n built, my weight, or the way I walk.

2. I have plantar fasciitis.

3. I am not allowed to run for three weeks. It will probably be longer than that but we're going to try.

4. I have extremely high arches which are causing hammer toes. This is hereditary. (I could have a very painful surgery to correct it but I am not down with pain and the doctor said it was unnecessary.)

5. I should probably go to physical therapy to work on my weak ankle and calf muscles.

6. I should lose weight.

The losing weight comment hits home the hardest. I've been struggling with my weight for years. Years. It's always something that troubles me. When I was diagnosed with PCOS (poly cystic ovary syndrome) my doctor told that my weight would be an issue. I have had such a hard time with it. Calorie counting doesn't work for me because I tend to get obsessive about restricting and I just want to feel okay in my own skin.

I know I am a beautiful person inside and out but hearing that I NEED to lose weight in order to be healthy is tough. Especially when losing weight is so difficult. At the same time, I feel oddly hopeful. I have an answer to why my feet hurt so bad. I can get orthotics, see a physical therapist and work on getting stronger and leaner.

I don't really know where to go from here. Have any of you struggled with this? Meaning plantar fasciitis/not being able to run/struggling with weight loss.

Maybe I can see a nutritionist? Sports medicine doctor?