I'm not perfect.

I may not be fast but I can finish a 5k. At 30 pounds overweight, I never thought I'd be able to actually run at all. I have a bodacious body that I love for taking me across the finish line. My last 5k was 4 weeks ago. I worked hard to get over the finish line at 37:23. Why did I beat myself up over walking a 5k and finishing in 40 minutes? Clearly I've gained some speed. I feel like I have been comparing myself to others and it needs to stop now.



I've had people cutting me down for years. I never felt thin enough, smart enough, pretty enough or good enough to be happy. I was always trying some new diet trick or makeup or self-help book to "improve" myself. I gained 50 lbs after high school. It came on quickly. My boyfriend at the time was fairly supportive at first but eventually called me "fat" all the time. Don't worry that relationship didn't last long after that!

Then I was diagnosed with PCOs...aka Poly Cystic Ovary Syndrome. It explained my lack of a monthly period, my weight gain and my hormonal issues. Being diagnosed sucked but I felt like I finally knew why I was still heavy despite my healthy habits. I definitely like to indulge too often but dude...it was never THAT bad. I felt like I could never eat in front of anyone because no matter what I ate, someone would make a comment. "Oh you're having oatmeal with bananas? Bananas make you fat..." If you've ever struggled with weight, you know the kind of comments. People think they are being helpful but really...they aren't.



(I'm on the left. This is the day after my high school graduation. 30 lbs lighter than today.)

Anyway, my point is I'm not perfect. I need to stop trying to be and just learn to love myself and my body for all of the things it can do. I'm trying out Body for Life because my doctor highly suggested a higher protein diet like this for my PCOS. I'm really hoping I can get to a healthy weight and start getting my body in a good place. But I'm not trying to lose weight to gain acceptance from others anymore. I have a wonderful family who loves me and supports me in all of my healthy living endeavors, a husband who would love no matter what and awesome friends like you guys.

This post just needed to be written because I was feeling so low about my 5k on Sunday and I started thinking negative, horrible thoughts again. I don't deserve that. I am a wonderful, loving person who can and will continue working on running and improving my health.

So tell me, have you ever felt defeated? What did you do to help yourself feel better?

Couch to 5k is back!

The other day my friend Ashley who has an awesome blog over at Knots by Ashley posted about something that interested me. Not only does she create amazing hats, gloves, scarves and way more but she is also working on running like me. I saw that she posted about a Couch to 5k podcast on her facebook and I had to ask her where she found it.

The podcast is titled "Podcasts for Running by Robert Ullrey" which you can find and download here: At Robert Ullrey's Website.

For someone like me, this podcast was a godsend. Not only does Ullrey explain the program but he also tells you when to run and when to walk. It's way easier than looking at your watch to make sure you are following the program correctly.

Today was my second day of Week One and I plan on doing it again on Thursday. My heart rate monitor says I burned 422 calories doing this which is pretty good considering how much walking is involved. I did 2.12 miles in 30 minutes if you're wondering about distance.

(Yes, I started back at Week One because obviously my knee needs some strengthening. I think it's better for me to get back down to basics at this point.)

Anyway, I had to share! Please check out Ashley's blog and Robert's podcasts. They are both great!

After my Couch to 5k workout, I did a few circuits from Jillian Michael's Banish Fat, Boost Metabolism DVD. The core circuit KILLED me. I cannot do a plank to save my life. OUCH!

Please share some workout secrets with me! I definitely need all the help I can get!

I'll be back later to tell you how my day at work went (I played hopscotch at work!) and how my first day as a postgrad went!