I'm not perfect.

I may not be fast but I can finish a 5k. At 30 pounds overweight, I never thought I'd be able to actually run at all. I have a bodacious body that I love for taking me across the finish line. My last 5k was 4 weeks ago. I worked hard to get over the finish line at 37:23. Why did I beat myself up over walking a 5k and finishing in 40 minutes? Clearly I've gained some speed. I feel like I have been comparing myself to others and it needs to stop now.



I've had people cutting me down for years. I never felt thin enough, smart enough, pretty enough or good enough to be happy. I was always trying some new diet trick or makeup or self-help book to "improve" myself. I gained 50 lbs after high school. It came on quickly. My boyfriend at the time was fairly supportive at first but eventually called me "fat" all the time. Don't worry that relationship didn't last long after that!

Then I was diagnosed with PCOs...aka Poly Cystic Ovary Syndrome. It explained my lack of a monthly period, my weight gain and my hormonal issues. Being diagnosed sucked but I felt like I finally knew why I was still heavy despite my healthy habits. I definitely like to indulge too often but dude...it was never THAT bad. I felt like I could never eat in front of anyone because no matter what I ate, someone would make a comment. "Oh you're having oatmeal with bananas? Bananas make you fat..." If you've ever struggled with weight, you know the kind of comments. People think they are being helpful but really...they aren't.



(I'm on the left. This is the day after my high school graduation. 30 lbs lighter than today.)

Anyway, my point is I'm not perfect. I need to stop trying to be and just learn to love myself and my body for all of the things it can do. I'm trying out Body for Life because my doctor highly suggested a higher protein diet like this for my PCOS. I'm really hoping I can get to a healthy weight and start getting my body in a good place. But I'm not trying to lose weight to gain acceptance from others anymore. I have a wonderful family who loves me and supports me in all of my healthy living endeavors, a husband who would love no matter what and awesome friends like you guys.

This post just needed to be written because I was feeling so low about my 5k on Sunday and I started thinking negative, horrible thoughts again. I don't deserve that. I am a wonderful, loving person who can and will continue working on running and improving my health.

So tell me, have you ever felt defeated? What did you do to help yourself feel better?

Gator Run 2010 5k Recap

So last night, I made a terrible life decision and ate half a baked potato with alfredo sauce, cheese and red bell peppers for dinner. Dairy sometimes really bothers me but I figured I'd be fine before the 5k in the morning.

Wrong! I woke up with the worst stomach pains. I ran about 3/4 of a mile before feeling like I might toss my cookies. I tried alternating running and walking until I saw my dad. He came to take pictures of us and jogged alongside me. He was so supportive and encouraging. My HRM said my heart rate was at 192 for a lot of the time. And it FELT like it. I was in pain. I am wondering if I had food poisoning.

Mile 1: 12:38 min/mile (I am thrilled with this pace! Imagine if I had kept it up and tried negative splits!)
Mile 2: 13:00 min/mile
Mile 3: 13:52 min/mile
Last 0.1: 2 min

Total time: 40 minutes. I slowed down from my last time by about 3 minutes. I am so bummed. I can't stop thinking about it. I wish I would have pushed myself a bit more but I probably would have made a scene. No one wants to see my dinner.

So let's back track.



I had have this Better N Peanut Butter for awhile. It goes bad in 11/10 so I figured I better work my way through the jar. It's not terrible but not great.



I mixed it with this.



And plain nonfat greek yogurt. OMG. Try this ASAP. It's so decadent and desserty.



Topped with pumpkin seed granola. Delish. Nutrish!



And some sweet taters on the side. Dipped in ketchup. That was my lunch yesterday. I had to show it off.



Andy and I met the Gator. It was the "Gator Run" get it? By the way. Andy rocked the race. His time was 31:06. He beat his PR by 2 minutes. Champion!



My sister Sarah and her boyfriend Chris ran the 5k too! Sarah finished in 33:38 (4th in her age group!) and Chris finished in 25:10 (5th in his age group!) They are also champions. I am the biggest loser.



My little brother Daniel ran his first race too. He did the kid's 1 mile run.



We watched. It was so much fun to watch.



Daniel got in the front of the line. He HAD this race.



The kids were flyin!



Here's my dad and Daniel. They zoomed past us. Dan is in the spongebob hat.



My dad is totally dragging. Which is hilarious because my dad has been running for 30 years. He is super fast. But Dan surprised him with his speed.



Daniel finished in 8:30! DUDE! He cried afterwards because he was just so burnt out and tired. He really pushed himself.



We got some madri gras gator beads. No flashing required.



Daniel even won an award for being awesome and speedy. He looks thrilled.



Yay for healthy and active families.

So I am bummed about not beating my time. I really thought I had this. But I am glad that I managed to stay positive and finish the race. I am signing up for another 5k stat though. I need an ego boost.

Have you ever had a horrible racing incident? Please tell me about it. I need cheering up.