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Two Boos Who Eat: I'm not perfect.

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I'm not perfect.

Sorry for inconvenience...

Redirection provided by Blogger to WordPress Migration Service
Two Boos Who Eat: I'm not perfect.

Two Boos Who Eat

Welcome to Two Boos Who Eat.

Tuesday, April 27, 2010

I'm not perfect.

amanda5k

I may not be fast but I can finish a 5k. At 30 pounds overweight, I never thought I'd be able to actually run at all. I have a bodacious body that I love for taking me across the finish line. My last 5k was 4 weeks ago. I worked hard to get over the finish line at 37:23. Why did I beat myself up over walking a 5k and finishing in 40 minutes? Clearly I've gained some speed. I feel like I have been comparing myself to others and it needs to stop now.

amanda5k2

I've had people cutting me down for years. I never felt thin enough, smart enough, pretty enough or good enough to be happy. I was always trying some new diet trick or makeup or self-help book to "improve" myself. I gained 50 lbs after high school. It came on quickly. My boyfriend at the time was fairly supportive at first but eventually called me "fat" all the time. Don't worry that relationship didn't last long after that!

Then I was diagnosed with PCOs...aka Poly Cystic Ovary Syndrome. It explained my lack of a monthly period, my weight gain and my hormonal issues. Being diagnosed sucked but I felt like I finally knew why I was still heavy despite my healthy habits. I definitely like to indulge too often but dude...it was never THAT bad. I felt like I could never eat in front of anyone because no matter what I ate, someone would make a comment. "Oh you're having oatmeal with bananas? Bananas make you fat..." If you've ever struggled with weight, you know the kind of comments. People think they are being helpful but really...they aren't.

GRAD

(I'm on the left. This is the day after my high school graduation. 30 lbs lighter than today.)

Anyway, my point is I'm not perfect. I need to stop trying to be and just learn to love myself and my body for all of the things it can do. I'm trying out Body for Life because my doctor highly suggested a higher protein diet like this for my PCOS. I'm really hoping I can get to a healthy weight and start getting my body in a good place. But I'm not trying to lose weight to gain acceptance from others anymore. I have a wonderful family who loves me and supports me in all of my healthy living endeavors, a husband who would love no matter what and awesome friends like you guys.

This post just needed to be written because I was feeling so low about my 5k on Sunday and I started thinking negative, horrible thoughts again. I don't deserve that. I am a wonderful, loving person who can and will continue working on running and improving my health.

So tell me, have you ever felt defeated? What did you do to help yourself feel better?

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31 Comments:

At April 27, 2010 at 10:23 AM , Blogger Mari said...

I love this post! you were being WAY too hard on yourself...I am happy that you saw the light =)

I am always beating myself up about not losing weight but I know that the PCOS has something to do with it, so I need to cut myself some slack.

 
At April 27, 2010 at 10:25 AM , Anonymous brandi said...

((((hugs))))

NO ONE IS PERFECT.

We are who we are, imperfections and all.

I think everyone has those days where it's hard to not compare yourself to someone else or feel defeated about something, but there are always things to be proud of! And there are always people in your life that love you for you.

 
At April 27, 2010 at 10:28 AM , Anonymous Emily (A Nutritionist Eats) said...

I agree with Brandi - no one is perfect - even though it sometimes seems like it...I think it is awesome that you did the 5k - running is hard work and you deserve to be proud of yourself!

 
At April 27, 2010 at 10:43 AM , Blogger kat said...

I'm so with you. I too and 30lbs overweight despite working out 6 days a week & eating pretty well. The doctors don't know why I've gain so much & just blame it on age. I'm slowly learn to be ok with it but its tough

 
At April 27, 2010 at 10:56 AM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

I totally agree with you! There is no need for any of us to compare ourselves to others. I try to remember that so-and-so is doing her thing and I am doing mine. It's all good. Congrats on the race!

 
At April 27, 2010 at 11:24 AM , Blogger Mo Diva said...

Im constantly comparing myself to others. And its an unhealthy obsession.
Your progress is totally motivating! Right now i feel bloated to no end but your progress assures me that I can do it too! Might take forever but I know im going int he right direction!

 
At April 27, 2010 at 12:04 PM , Anonymous Andrea (Off Her Cork) said...

Been there and hell, I still have days where I am so there. It is hard not to compare and to not judge. We're human and it happens. Only a strong and mature person has the ability to step back and see a situation for what it really is. You totally did that and took action immediately. That is awesome which isn't a surprise because you are awesome. :D

 
At April 27, 2010 at 12:09 PM , Blogger Tamara said...

Oh, man. I am the queen of being hard on myself, haha. But these days, when I find myself sippin' on that Self-Haterade, I step back and look at the effort I'm even making.

I mean, look at you girl- you're signing up for multiple races and appreciating healthier food! Kind of a big deal! And of course, I must echo everyone else in saying that no one is perfect... And that in itself is kinda perfect, no?

Life is too short to be hanging on to what you view as imperfections or comparing yourself to others. But there's plenty of time in life to point out all the different ways you're awesome!

 
At April 27, 2010 at 12:15 PM , Blogger Jenn said...

I know that feeling all too well. I used to be close to 50lbs overweight and at my height (5ft) that's wasn't a good thing. I constantly looked to other as to how I should be and what not..I also had a thyroid condition as well, so that didn't help me one bit.

But I continued on and today I'm content with where I'm at. I've learned to let go of those notions that I "have" to look a certain way. No on is indeed perfect and if we all were, life would be boring.

 
At April 27, 2010 at 12:32 PM , Blogger lynn @ the actors diet said...

i can totally relate to this post - i've definitely made it my life's work to stop comparing myself to others, which is hard, especially in an industry that's as competitive as the one that i'm in (often based on physical/superficial values). when you're comparing yourself to others, you gotta remember that NOBODY else's life is perfect. everyone goes through their struggles, and there are plenty of wonderful, amazing things about you that others wish they had (like a wonderful, supportive hubby who blogs with you!)

 
At April 27, 2010 at 12:57 PM , OpenID destination262 said...

Great post!! I love your new attitude. And you are right, look at what you have accomplished. You are running for you and you are rocking. We are all going to have an off day, and I am still amazed that you ran the race feeling sick. You need to give yourself credit for that. :)

 
At April 27, 2010 at 1:10 PM , OpenID ktbwood said...

you are freaking awesome girl. nobody is perfect-its an irrational standard! we are SO beautiful in Gods eyes. LOVE YOU

 
At April 27, 2010 at 1:54 PM , Anonymous homecookedem said...

You are right - none of us are perfect. I'm far from it, but I've learned to love my imperfections (even though I still struggle with them every now and then). And yes, PCOS sucks, but it does help to know that it's not totally my fault that I struggle with my weight. You are fabulous and I want you to ALWAYS remember that!!!!!!!!!

 
At April 27, 2010 at 2:05 PM , Anonymous allijag said...

Girl - you are just fantastic, you are so open and honest - oh yeah - and you are AMAZING! Nobody is perfect, (even those who love to put on the perfect "front")

I really wish we lived closer because I think you and I would be a lot of trouble if we hung out together! :)

 
At April 27, 2010 at 2:25 PM , Blogger Sarah @ See Sarah Eat said...

Amanda, this is awesome! I think you have made a breakthrough my dear. I think you are beautiful, inside and out, just the way you are right now :)

People's comments can cut like a knife. I've been there and I don't think you can ever avoid it but you can learn to let it bounce off of you and remember who you really are.

Love ya girlie, great post!

 
At April 27, 2010 at 3:49 PM , Anonymous Kara @ Kara's Marathon said...

I love this post! You are beautiful and wonderful and doing an AMAZING job at living a healthy life!!

I wish I had an answer about not comparing yourself to others, but I do it constantly myself. We just both need to focus on being the best Amandas and Karas we can be, and forget everyone else!! :)

 
At April 27, 2010 at 5:11 PM , Blogger LetMeEatCake Eat With Me! said...

congrats! i can barely run down the block let alone a 5k that is awesome!

 
At April 27, 2010 at 5:40 PM , Blogger One Healthy Apple said...

This is a great post Amanda! I think we all have an image of how we are supposed to be or how we are supposed to act- yesterday I felt bad for eating trailmix for dinner, but that's lame! If it's good enough for me, who cares what anyone else thinks?

I'm always judging myself harshly and it's pretty lame!

Finally- I think you are fabulous and definitely deserve some self love :)

 
At April 27, 2010 at 6:15 PM , Anonymous Lily @ Lily's Health Pad said...

I felt defeated when I did not get a particular internship last year. I wallowed in my sorrows for a bit and then I sucked it up and moved on. Turns out, I couldn't have asked for a better internship than the one I got!

 
At April 27, 2010 at 6:38 PM , Blogger Andy said...

Amanda, you know when we met I had never ran a mile. We I did it the first time with you with me, it really was a big moment in my life, even if I didn't show it.

That being said, this is the start of us getting into better shape but even when we are ripped and on the front cover of the Body for Life book, we will still have hang ups about everything.

I'm glad we have started running together. Makes life much more enjoyable and its healthy and hopefully it will be a life choice now and then when we have kids they will make the same choices and not do what we did...pound KFC double downs...

Love ya boo.

 
At April 27, 2010 at 8:00 PM , Blogger Emily said...

Such a great post! I feel like this too often, too!

 
At April 28, 2010 at 7:22 AM , OpenID biz319 said...

Yippee!! I loved reading this post!!!!!!!!

My favorite part? Your last line!

I am a wonderful, loving person who can and will continue working on running and improving my health.

WAY TO FUCKING GO! Yep, I like to swear on comments since my Mom and MIL read mine daily - I try to keep the swearing down to a minimum on my posts!

 
At April 28, 2010 at 10:25 AM , Anonymous Maris (In Good Taste) said...

I love your attitude and I couldn't have read this post at a more perfect time. I can hold my own with cardio but I am pathetic in weight lifting classes (like Body Pump, etc). I'm about 10-15 lbs overweight and sometimes I just feel like a fat, uncoordinated slob during the classes when I can't keep up (I'm real nice to myself, aren't I? LOL). But, everyone has different limitations and logically, I know I should give myself more credit just for being there in the first place!

Thanks for the great perspective!

 
At April 28, 2010 at 12:57 PM , Anonymous Bess @ I Dream of Greenie said...

See I read this post and was thinking "Way to go on the 5K...that's incredible!!!!"

I used to hate running but somehow along the way, have developed an enjoyment for it.

This doesn't mean that it's not sometimes a struggle to motivate (hello, this morning). But once I get on the run, I marvel that my body has the strength to keep me going.

Again, every little victory is remarkable progress!

 
At April 28, 2010 at 1:46 PM , Blogger Lori said...

Definitely a post I can relate to, so glad you wrote it. I struggled with all the negativity surrounding food and weight most of my life. When I struggle with things now I always try to remember that I was teaching group exercise 30lbs heavier than I am now.

Of course we all want to feel our best, but beyond that weight is stupid. :) That amazing body of yours that gets you through each and every day deserves to be loved. It may have bad days and limits, but treat it well mentally and physically and it will do wonderous things. :) I'm off to follow my own advice. Keep up the good work, friend.

 
At April 28, 2010 at 4:02 PM , Blogger teresa said...

this is wonderful! i actually just ran a 5K last saturday and i am in a very similar situation. it was so hard, but i felt awesome afterward. excellent job, and excellent blog!

 
At April 28, 2010 at 5:40 PM , Anonymous Fit Chick in the City said...

Seriously a great post! We all need to say this to ourselves from time to time. I wish there was some way to turn off that part of our brain that allows us to compare ourselves to others.

 
At April 28, 2010 at 6:34 PM , Anonymous ashleigh said...

Yay i am glad you wrote this post because I thought you did great at your 5k and was sad you were so upset about it. I'm happy to see you are doing much better!

I've lost almost 40 pounds and ppl still give me those stupid comments about what I should and shouldn't eat and I want to smack them! That is so rude and it makes me self conscious!!!

 
At April 29, 2010 at 7:50 AM , Anonymous She-Fit said...

What a great post for us all... no one is perfect, yet we all have pressure to be so. Congrats on the 5K... you did great!

 
At April 29, 2010 at 8:58 PM , Blogger RamblingBabushka said...

Two words should sum this up nicely.

YOU GO!!!!!!!!!!!!!

:)

 
At April 30, 2010 at 2:32 AM , OpenID littlemisspotato said...

Ow oww!! You go girl! Congrats on making it through the race. You should be SO proud of yourself. I'm slowly getting into running and even thinking about racing is terrifying to me.

I think "perfect" is probably my least favorite words. Wait, no... "jug". Say that a few times. Jug is a weird word. Perfect is a close second.

You're healthy and you rocked the sh$t out of this race. This makes me smile. :D

 

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